its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
