420 ftw
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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