i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
