will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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