yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
