whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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