Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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