It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
