He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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