all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
