I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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