this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
