this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
