Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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