Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
