I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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