alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
