I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
