Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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