dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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