After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
