Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
