And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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