Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize