apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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