Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
