I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
