I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
