I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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