Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
