I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
