Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
