Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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