no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
