i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.