The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont even know how to be here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you