I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.