I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin