Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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