Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
