I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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