Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
