Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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