people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
