my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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