Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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