): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just forgot I was standing up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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