Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
