just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
