dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
