dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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