Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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