i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
