she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
