I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
