cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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