At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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