i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
vagina is talking i cant
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
