xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
