My Higher Power is John Stamos
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My vagina is officially offended.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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