from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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