those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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