I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
