i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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