I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
