there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
