Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
