that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
