I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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