so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
