im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
