What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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