all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
