my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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