discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
