so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm at about main and main street
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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